Redo, Please

Dear Christa—

Jokingly, I said to the orthopedic doctor this morning, “I think I’m healed.” And he surprised me when he replied, “I think you’re right. See your x-ray? It looks good…real good.”

At first I was so happy. Happy to unsnap that brace for the last time, knowing I’d never have to pull it up again because it wouldn’t stay in place. Happy I wouldn’t have to start school tugging and yanking on that annoying thing. Happy to finally after 6 weeks to bend my knee…at least as far as it would go.

But later, I felt like I wanted a redo. A redo of summer. My body feels like summer is just beginning, yet my brain reminds me that I start back to work next Thursday.

It’s not the first time I’ve wanted a redo.

I’ve taught classes that I’ve been grateful for another chance at the next year. I’ve visited places I’ve wanted to redo and do better because I love the people I’m with and they love me.

The next time I walk to Pike Market in Seattle, I’m hoping to see more than a park bench and ice on a swollen knee.

But, mostly I’ve wanted to redo relationships.

At times relationships ebb and flow like the tide at the ocean’s shore. Sometimes they’re so close, and the next thing you know they’re distant, and I’m wondering when and how things got that way.

Maybe I was inattentive. Maybe it wasn’t me at all. Maybe I will never know.

But, unlike summer, relationships can have a redo. It isn’t easy. It takes time, and it takes focus. It takes changing priorities. It takes cooperation. And desire. And prayer. And a bunch of other stuff.  

Then, one day, it’s healed. That relationship won’t look the same under an x-ray. In life, things happen we always wish hadn’t. But, it can be strong, and it can be good. Kind of like bending a knee that hasn’t bent in six weeks.

And maybe I can even dance by the first dance of autumn.